You need help. You have a dysfunctional and disconnected relationship with God. You have trust issues with Him and have a hard time understanding how to relate to Him as a father. It’s difficult for you to believe that God loves you. You feel like nothing you do is good enough for Him and that you don’t measure up. In general, God seems distant to you. Chances are good that you’ve been hurt deeply by others and haven’t received healing from those wounds yet, which is having a profound effect on your relationship with God. The good news is that all of that can change, but it requires that you give attention to the low places in your life and begin working through your pain, trust issues, and fear of man.